I used to think being single was a temporary state — a waiting room on the way to something permanent. For years I measured nights alone against a checklist: had I been out enough, matched with interesting people on apps, tried that cosy new bar everyone loved? If the answer was no, I felt like I was failing at singledom. Somewhere along the way I learned a different language for this season: one that names singlehood as a choice, a practice, and yes, a place where you can still date and be social without losing your centre.
Reframing what "enjoying being single" actually means
Enjoying being single doesn't mean rejecting intimacy or never wanting a long-term relationship. For me it meant shifting from scarcity (“If I don't find someone soon I'll miss my chance”) to abundance (“I can have a full life while being open to someone”). That reframing changed how I approached conversations, nights out, and swipes on dating apps.
Instead of seeing dates as auditions, I started treating them as experiments — low-stakes opportunities to learn about another person and myself. This small mental tweak removed pressure and made dating fun again. When you’re not desperate for a relationship to save your life story, you can actually be present and curious.
Boundaries that let you enjoy both independence and connection
One of the hardest parts of being single and social is navigating expectations — yours and other people's. I put boundaries in place that felt nourishing, not restrictive.
Boundaries don’t make you aloof; they make you deliberate. They protect the quality of your time and make the connections you do choose to pursue much more intentional.
Dating without losing yourself
There’s a myth that single people who date constantly become defined by their relationship status. I fought that by keeping my life full outside dating: friends, hobbies, a part-time freelance project, and simple rituals like my Sunday evening skincare using La Roche-Posay or a restorative bath with a few drops of lavender oil. Those things are non-negotiable — they remind me who I am when a match fades or a date turns out to be a dud.
When I go on dates, I bring my actual life into the conversation. I talk about the little joys I’ve had that week (found a vintage sweater, tried a new pesto recipe). People who respond with curiosity about your life are, frankly, more interesting than those who expect you to pivot the conversation solely to their needs.
How to stay social without burning out
Being social while single can be energising — if you design it well. Here are practical habits that keep me balanced:
When dating apps feel overwhelming
Dating apps can be brilliant for meeting people outside your bubble, but they can also feel like a never-ending conveyor belt of possibilities. Here’s how I make them manageable:
Enjoying singledom in the everyday
Some of my favourite ways to celebrate being single are small and domestic. I savour rituals that are just for me: a long walk with no agenda, a perfectly arranged living room corner where I work, and a playlist that feels like comfort food. I also travel solo sometimes — a short train trip to the coast, or a weekend in a city I haven’t fully explored. Those mini-escapes are brilliant at reminding me how capable and content I can be on my own.
Other practical things that help: keeping a capsule wardrobe that makes dressing easy, meal-planning so I eat well even when I’m alone, and cultivating a small community of friends I can call for anything. Having people who know you and your rhythms is a quiet kind of luxury.
When being single feels lonely
Loneliness is different from being alone and it’s honest to admit when it creeps in. My response is twofold: first, I allow myself to feel it (no shame). Second, I actively name what I need — a long phone call, a Saturday supper with friends, or a new creative project. Sometimes that need is simply a night in with a comforting podcast and a mug of tea. Other times it's permission to date more seriously.
One practice that helps is curating "loneliness tasks": little things I can do that lift me — message an old friend, bake a loaf of bread, or go to a community workshop. These actions are small but concrete, and they remind me I’m not entirely at the mercy of a mood.
Practical prompts to try this week
There’s no single right way to be single while dating and staying social. For me it’s been about combining intention with a bit of play — protecting my time, staying curious about people, and cultivating a lifestyle that doesn’t hinge on someone else completing it. When you build a life you enjoy, the rest becomes a pleasant bonus rather than a measure of your worth.
